Rethinking Family Origins and Problem-Oriented Thinking
In recent years, the topic of "family of origin" has dominated discussions across media and conversations. Does our family of origin influence us? Undoubtedly. Many patterns we display in relationships are reflections or repetitions of those we experienced growing up.
However, when we attribute all our struggles and pain solely to our family of origin, we unknowingly give up our personal power to change. By doing so, we lock ourselves into a narrative of helplessness that limits our ability to grow and thrive.
I know this because I’ve been there. For years, I blamed my parents and my family for all the pain and suffering I felt in my life. I saw them as the root cause of my struggles, my broken relationships, and my inability to move forward. I carried so much resentment, convinced that my unhappiness was entirely their fault.
But this mindset didn’t serve me. It kept me stuck—trapped in anger and self-pity, unable to see that I had the power to create something different for myself.
This reminds me of a thought-provoking comic I recently saw: A prisoner frantically shakes the bars of his cell, lamenting his confinement, while both sides of the cell are completely open. He’s free to walk out anytime, yet his mind is consumed with stories of difficulty and pain, blinding him to the simple solution.
The Relationship Between Confidence and Success
Research and observation often point to a strong connection between a person’s confidence and their success, whether it’s measured in income, career advancement, or life satisfaction. True confidence stems from four key traits: self-awareness, self-acceptance, personal responsibility, and a commitment to self-growth.
Yet, like many, I retreated to a state of helplessness when faced with challenges. I reverted to feeling like a powerless child, overwhelmed and scared, blaming others for my circumstances. Over time, I realized that this mindset wasn’t just holding me back—it was my self-imposed prison.
Breaking Free: From Blame to Empowerment
The turning point came when I began to reconcile with my past and with my parents. I learned to see them not as villains but as humans, shaped by their own struggles and limitations. This reconciliation wasn’t about excusing everything or forgetting the pain. It was about freeing myself from the grip of resentment.
I had to accept a difficult truth: Yes, my family of origin shaped me, but I am ultimately responsible for my future. The moment I embraced this, I began to see opportunities instead of barriers. I realized I could walk out of the mental prison I had built for myself.
The second step was learning to reprogram my subconscious mind. For years, I had been conditioned to focus on problems, fixating on what was wrong in my life. Instead, I started asking myself daily, "What is actually going well today?" “ What’s my wildest dreams and aspirations in life?” This simple practice shifted my focus from pain to possibility, allowing me to cultivate gratitude and momentum for change.
A New Narrative for a New Year
Life is never without its challenges, but each of us has the potential for freedom and growth. The journey begins when we stop waiting for external circumstances to change and start taking responsibility for how we respond.
I’ve learned to reconcile with my past, take charge of my present, and build a future that reflects my own power and potential. You can too.
This year, let’s aim to walk out of those imaginary cells, embrace the open possibilities around us, and rewrite our stories—one empowered step at a time.
May you find the strength to heal, the courage to grow, and the wisdom to reclaim your life.